Is there a ‘right’ way to coach?

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

As members of the European Mentoring and Coaching Council, we learn a great deal by getting together with other people and organizations who work in similar ways.

At a recent EMCC meeting, we joined a discussion about the role and style of coaching. Is the coach there to air his/her opinion and give advice? Or is their role to help the client figure things out for themselves?

In the end, everyone agreed that the 'either/or” statements above were too black and white and adopting the right style is a complex set of factors to do with expectations, relationships, cultures and contracts.

Here's a summary of what people thought: 

The ’Don’t be Directive’ faction said:

  • Giving advice doesn’t work
  • People have their own ideas….they don’t want yours!
  • If you start a discussion by giving your opinions, you’re skewing the relationship and taking charge
  • The coach is there to guide the process, not get caught up in the content

The ‘Advice can be OK’ faction said:

  • We’re coaching executives not needy people who want counseling or therapy
  • Busy, resourceful people want to get to a result which might involve the coach’s ideas
  • Your ideas might be really useful!
  • Most of our clients are happy to take a challenge from the coach and happily accept or reject it.

Maybe these are too black and white too? Maybe it’s about sticking to the role of being “in service of the client” or asking permission or signposting or visibly taking one hat off and putting on another.

What do you think?

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Comment by: Chris Farrance

I think the real issue here is what do you believe to be your authentic coaching style and the potential added value that it delivers and then using the contracting process to define the nature of the engagement.

Comment by: Lynda Anderson

Somthing to think about is what we mean when we say 'give opinions or advice'. One person's advice might be another's feedback. And there's quite a big difference between 'this is what I think you ought to do' - which is probably better avoided except in extremis - and 'this is what I see happening to you' or 'here's my feedback about how you seem to be dealing with this situation' - potentially useful interventions in a coaching conversation.

Comment by: Peter Grundy

Good comments here from my colleagues. I like the emphasis on 'potential added value' and what is 'potentially useful'. We all need to keep thinking about what we're there to do in the service of the client.

Comment by: John Brayford

I agree that this is a complex issue as we are dealing with the uniqueness of individuals. It is inappropriate to start a coaching conversation with your own opinions; however there are going to be occasions when the client is truly stuck and a helpful intervention might make progress.
I liken it (with great risk of being criticised for doing so) to a kid’s game where it's your friend's ball you are playing with. No matter how well things appear to be going, always remember whose ball it is before changing the rules.